Cringeworthy Comics

 

So, this comic freaking awesome! I'm not even going to talk about the cover because well it's a gimmick plain and simple.So lets get this review started.

We open with a monologue by commissioner Gordon talking about the omens and the coming doom on Gotham while a van drives around in the rain and lightning. We cut to Gordon and Harvey talking about the next crime will have some superstition behind it. As they talk a van pulls up to the police station when suddenly the power is cut out and a figure stands ominously in the doorway while making some hilarious jokes like "...A man walks into a bar...". So all the police are murdered except Gordon when Batman arrives a talks with Gordon about what happened and how the Joker told a joke.

Now we're back in the batcave where Batman is analysing fiber traces left by the Joker and Damian decides to speak about how the Joker isn't really credible because he got his face cut off by the Dollmaker. But Batman points out that the Joker allowed his face to be cut off to send a message to Batman. So Batman contacts all the other Batman related casts such as Batgirl, Red Robin and Nightwing. 

So as they discuss the Joker's return a special broadcast featuring a man in Joker make-up being forced to threaten to kill the Mayor at the end of the broadcast the Joker shoots the man. It turns out this man was the son of a former Mayor who was the first person the Joker killed. Next we see the Mayor's guards, Gordon and Batman preparing for the attack on the Mayor they've tested the Mayor several times to make sure he isn't poisoned.

As he and Gordon discuss the Joker's plan and Batman begins ponder about why the Joker would re-enact his former crimes when Batman realises that he has poisoned everyone else but its too late as the guards beg for help as they die. When the guards are all dead it is revealed that the toxin worked because half of the compound was in their clothes and the rest in the floor cleaner these reacted to form a toxin that causes them to frown. The analysis also shows that there were three unnecessary chemicals that are all found in the ACE chemicals plant where the Joker was born.

 We see the Red Hood talking about how he died and the Joker was born. Then Batman realises this isn't the Joker but Harley instead as Batman runs at her but is hit by a hammer and knocked into a vat which is sealed shut before he can escape. Harley tells Batman the Joker is different now as we cut Alfred answering the door to find the a two headed lion cub there when suddenly the Joker comes at him with a hammer.

Now the comic does have an extra bit explaining what happened to Harley which really just highlights Joker's change as he pretends to cut off her face and leaves her alone calling out for help.

This comic was amazing the writing was superb as well as the art each character looks different and you can really feel how painful  it was for the guards as well as the other main characters. Now one minor criticism would be the pacing in the seen with Harley Quinn as it doesn't flow as well with the rest of the story. S o this gets a 5/5 this is superb and I would highly recommend finding a copy somewhere,

Note: Before I start I would like to apologise for being overly angry in my last review it's just I have a real problem with this portrayal of women in comics so the revised score is 1.5/5 for venom. But I stand by the comments I made in the last review. 

Incredible Hulk No 13

The cover for this is actually pretty good compared to some of the covers I have seen, it has some fairly good element s such as the looming Bruce Banner on the screen and the Hulk fearing for his life which if you the Hulk is quite worrying. Although I do notice no background and it is completely blank, fantastic.

Now we open with a recap of the plotline "Stay Angry" in which Bruce Banner went insane after he was re-united with the Hulk and scoured the Earth to find a cure for the Hulk so to stop him the Hulk must stay angry. Banner eventually succeeds resulting in the Hulk being trapped in a room with a needle about to "cure" him with a message.

So we open on that then the bald Banner tells him not to struggle or else! But then Banner apologises. We suddenly flashback to Banner being destroyed by the gamma bomb that re-united him with the Hulk. We get a look into what it's like for Banner in the Hulk's mind as he floats in a black void. Naked! Now you get image what I had to see, your welcome. Now we see that he is no longer insane, so gamma bombs cure insanity. Anyway he gets his body back and goes into a casino with only the iconic purple trousers on and uses a few cent to win a large sum of money. The casino worker asks how he got in and merely responds I know the bouncer. Which is a nice callback to when he was Mr Fixit.

So he amasses a fortune and uses it to finance his plans. Next we see Banner being rescued in the Antarctic by a blind doctor whom he talks to about how he seeks forgiveness and revenge! Now we're Latveria where Banner is blowing up Doom bots galore, then he asks a Doom why he separated him and the Hulk to which he responds" because I could". Banner promptly shoots him revealing another Doom bot. Banner is approached by a large group of Doom bots who cackle maniacally in unison. I was hoping they'd break into song. We're back in the lab of horrors where Banner explains he's sorry about every thing he has put the Hulk through and asks him to help get revenge who has been causing all their problems Doctor Doom. Banner claims that Hulk can destroy the "cure" and if he does there likely be impossible to make more. So Hulk decides to suit up and fight Doom right as some mercenaries enter the room. The end

Lets start with the good things first the art in this was just terrific and in a bi-weekly comic such as this it's impressive to see little or no problems with the art. The writing in this was superb in gives you a good insight in to Banner as it makes him somewhat redeemable for all the pain he's caused the Hulk. It gives you a look into a mind of a man who seeks forgiveness and revenge which is really interesting but there was missed opportunity with the Doom bots they could have done "Doom the musical". Anyway onto the bad the main problem with this book is all the jumping around from place to place and the whole gamma bomb cures insanity which is just ridiculous. So final score for Incredible Hulk no 13 4/5 the writing is superb as is the art so go out and get it now!

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Venom monsters of evil parts 1-3

The cover for venom number 23 is ok its got some good features like the looming face in the back ground and the pentagram with the cloaked figures. This image of venom implies that he is arming himself for some kind of fight. Now there are some problems with this cover such as the over-use of red and black as there aren't really any other colours used.

Now the artist for this is Thony Silas who likes to play a game called how many times can emphasise a woman's breasts which is just frustrating and sexist (something I will cover in another post) and frankly I'm sick of seeing this crap in comics. Now onto the story the first page starts with a blurb explaining venom's back story and how he was Flash Thompson a character from spiderman and how after he lost his legs in combat he got a chance to become an agent as the government had obtained the venom symbiote and wanted a government controlled spiderman. The comic starts with Venom re-iterating all this to us again but in a wasteful two page spread which just infuriates me because for those two pages we could have actual character development.

 Then we meet emphasised breasts attached some female reporter (I going to keep count of how many times he does this to female characters: one) who tells him about the department of occult affairs(2) a group obsessed with obtain mystical artifacts to conquer the world and so forth. She tells him where to find them. He goes in there gun crazy starting a long fight scene while monologuing about how he feels powerless without the suit and regrets all his bad choices in life, this scene is actually pretty good and is  good character development. We then see a room filled with pods and goo as venom pulls someone they turn out to be possessed by a demon and attacks him.But stops and apologises as he didn't recognise him and venom commands him to leave that body.

When suddenly Hellstrom appears (looking like Namor) to fight venom. He taunts him about how without the suit he is a "legless travesty" as he cuts off venom's legs, venom responds with "You talk too much!". Now again this is a good scene as it shows Flash's depression about losing his legs. Venom manages to get the upper hand on Hellstrom and tries to interrogate him while Hellstrom just taunts him. Then suddenly he branded by Hellstrom and possessed, end of issue. This comic sucked the art is sexist and can only draw two types of faces but did have some good scenes so it gets a 1/5 only for those scenes .

Now onto issue 24 no cover analysis as they are basically the same except with green instead of red which shows how lazy these people are. We open with possessed venom about to eat some people but is stopped by the will of Flash! Then he makes his escape into the woods where his hair turns bloody ginger! So then he goes to female reporters flat and no we are never told how he knows where she lives. So we see her on her mac with the squarest shoulders I have ever seen(3) as she hears him she grabs a gun(4) and goes down the hallway where he asks for help and we get to see her cleavage again!(5)He claims he needs an exorcist so she takes him a spiritual shop run by a priest and she constantly crosses her arms to of course push out her chest three times in one page(8).

The priest tries to communicate with the demon(9) and he responds to the father(10). The demon tells the priest he was promised endless slaughter and power(11) so the priest asks him why he doesn't leave(12). The demon responds fairly evilly "I try to break free" and "Help me". After this venom is back and decides to track down Hellstrom(13) but the reporter refuses to allow him to do it alone(14). So he goes alone and  tries to take down Hellstrom but before he does Hellstrom summons some demons end of comic. I hate this comic not just for the art but there really isn't any substance and for gods sake the emphasis is just sexist this gets 0/5 from me.

This is issue 25 and will it improve?! Hell no! We open with the same cover compositionally except with different colours. We open where we left off with demons attacking him while Hellstrom taunts him for several pages. Really it's just a long fight scene. Until we get a monologue from venom realising he might be able to control these demons as he did before use the analogy of his father putting his head under the water so he can learn to swim and manages to control the demons and has them beat up Hellstrom until he is a bloody pulp. This was a good scene as it gives us a look into Flash's mind, establishes some backstory as well as character development.
We then cut to prison where Hellstrom is being held, he explains to venom that venom might become the devil as several of the devil lords are about to enter the descent where one will become the true devil. So venom leaves to see more emphasised breasts (15). She asks if he still has the demon(16) inside him(17) which he does but is suppressing it through his shear force of will(18)! A little later we see Flash on the phone calling Betty(a previous girlfriend) to see if she is safe as she was previously targeted by villains. Now I hate these comics they're awful, the art is terrible and sexist emphasising her breasts every chance he gets and I will never pick up anything with Thony Silas' name on it. The story is very bland and has few good scenes but nothing really intriguing or clever and the dialogue is just terrible this comic number 25 gets 1/5 but only because the female reporter was barely in it.
But the 3-part story gets 0/5 it is terrible and frankly the sexism is just ridiculous and sickening, approximately 18 times the artist emphasised her breasts. Avoid at all costs.

The New Avengers Number 28

The cover for this issue is ok nothing really special or unique about it, it's hard to comment on something like this as I have no strong feelings about this it feels fairly generic and the only really interesting thing about it is the destroyed wall in the foreground and the prison cell door looming in the background menacingly.

A quick note before I start though this is a tie-in issue to the events of Avengers versus X-men and I will give you a bit of backstory. A destructive force known as the phoenix is on it's way to Earth to of course destroy it. So the avengers and x-men try to stop it and are successful but it is shattered into five pieces which are absorbed by five x-men: Cyclops, Emma Frost, Namor, Magik and Colossus. Now they're turning evil and the heroes of Earth are all that stands in their way and of course some of the heroes are taken prisoner.

We open with a dark hallway in Utopia as we then see Spiderwoman in her dark prison cell. She is then given some food by one of the x-men. She refuses to eat as she believes it is being drugged to dampen her powers although the x-man tells Spiderwoman that her power is to suppress other powers. Spiderwoman asks her if this is what she wanted to do with her life. The x-man (who is named Phoebe) walks away without a reply. Next we visit Warpath giving Luke Cage his meal (in another dark room) right before Luke goes crazy and tries to assault this causes Warpath to drop Luke's food. Luke taunts Warpath before breaking down and asking to be able to phone his daughter. So now we see Hawkeye's cell where it is feeding time. He manages to trick the x-man into giving him her arm which he promptly threatens to break if he isn't released. Warpath is slightly displeased with this and decides to discuss in a calm manner by throwing Hawkeye so hard he manages to hit the opposite side of the cell. Hawkeye then cheerily states that if they don't have an in 'n out burger. We then go back to Spiderwoman's cell where she has brought a bowl of water to bathe with and is told by Phoebe that Thor (God of thunder) has been captured. Spiderwoman convinces Phoebe to let her have a pen and paper so she can get her afairs in order and tell her Mom she loves her. When she gets the pen she uses it to threaten Phoebe with it unless she opens the door, Phoebe is then knocked out. On her way Spiderwoman discovers Warpath who she beats to a pulp. She goes to release Hawkeye and when she does he attacks her believing she is a mutant. She proves she is not by knowing "how he got that thing on his butt". They find Cage and Spiderwoman uses her energy blast to open the lock. They begin running through the facility taking down one x-man while running. Unfortunately it seems they have wasted their time as four mutants are waiting for them one being a member of the phoenix five(Colossus). Luke Cage decides to bash Colossus into a wall and down a hill. We get a quick glimpse of Cyclops as they bash past him onto a speed boat. Just as they get away they are awakened in pods by danger explaining that it was a simulation until permanent accommodation can be created. We then see the same scene as the start but Spiderwoman refusing to talk.

Now I liked the story and the matrix like ending gave it a real feeling of hopelessness from Spiderwoman as there is no point of escaping. Overall the dialogue and the story was fine but a major problem with this issue was the art and colouring. The art was just all over the place some of it being ok to just terrible and the inconsistencies with proportion just remove you from the story plus there where several scenes with completely white backgrounds. The colouring on this comic felt lazy as the majority of colours where black and white. The prison cell I can understand it being dark but the colouring on the outside and in scenes such as when Luke Cage fights Colossus down a hill are hard to comprehend on a first read.

New Avengers No 28 gets a 2/5 as the no amount of writing that can save bad art or vice versa. 

Green Lanter Issue number 10

Green Lantern issue 10

We'll start with issue 10. We see on the cover Sinestro with chains and the indigo lantern symbol on his head. With Hal Jordan being restrained in the background. Personally I really like this cover as it does give you an idea of what the hell is going on Sinestro has been captured and brainwashed by the indigo tribe. We start the comic with Hal and Sinestro being chased by a bunch of psychotic loincloth wearing indigo tribe members. Hal explains to Sinestro that he was brainwashed by the ring but now that the power source is gone they're all free to roam an murder as they please. Sinestro wishes to fight but Hal uses his ring to throw him back and explains he has barely any power left in it. Immediately afterwards he decides to make a green SUV for them to ride around in (personally I would've perferred a porsche) and almost immediately find the guardian responsible for the creating the indigo tribe. They imprison him a large bird cage construct and question him. He explains to them that he can only gain control if the battery is restored. So Sinestro decides to distract the psychotic mob headed straight towards them (How they caught up with an SUV though is anyone's guess.) and he fends them all off with his fists. Meanwhile blackhand is running away to try and escape this planet to go back to Earth and raise the dead. When Hal and the guardian reach the battery they realise they can't power it without the power of empathy. But then Iroque the child killer enters express her sadness for all the atrocities she has committed as she sheds a single tear the battery is restored causing all the rings to activate and find their hosts. Meanwhile Black Hand sees the ring approaching him and promptly jumps off the cliff and falls to his death but this is not the end as his black ring finds him and resurrects him. After this resurrection he screams "I want to go home". Next in the last few pages we see Sinestro recaptured. The End.

Well this comic was actually pretty good. The story is amzing and never gets dull or drags also the dialogue is good a gives us the kind of relationship Hal and Sinestro have. Although I do find it weird that Hal claims he doesn't have enough energy and then makes a massive SUV construct to go riding arounding the jungle after that he then makes a cage. If he didn't have a lot of energy why not make a smaller vehichle. Another weird plot hole where did that black ring suddenly appear from was it just waiting at the bottom of the cliff this entire time. The art in this comic is gorgeous and the artist Doug Mahnke is able to an extraordinary amount of detail into the facial features but the problem is the facial expressions on the characters they range from good to ok to just downright goofy. Now because of the stellar writing from Geoff Johns and penciling of Doug Mahnke I give this 4/5 stars. 

Hawkeye #1

 

Hawkeye number one's cover is bland it doesn't  give you any indication about the setting , plot or the tone of the comic. With an image of Hawkeye shooting an arrow of a building. We open with Hawkeye falling from a building and landing on the roof of a car.  After he crashes on the car he sent to the hospital and describes the fact that he has no powers and that when things are bad for him they are most likely mean he won't survive. After this we see Hawkeye in a veterinary all bruised and placing an injured dog on the table. We see that six weeks later he is wheeled out of the hospital and proceeds to throw the wheelchair into the road. While he is being yelled by at by of the hospital nurses he just shrugs him off as he enters the taxi. As the traffic grinds to a halt he leaves the taxi as he receives a barrage of profanity while he whistles casually. As he reaches his apartment he sees his Russian landlord Ivan (who uses bro every sentence) evicting a woman and her children while threatening to "keel" them. The woman begs Clint to help her. He takes a quick look at the lease and unfortunately there's nothing he can do about the eviction. We then go back to Hawkeye at the vet  where the dog is telling him to be ready in case his dog doesn't make it but Hawkeye keeps telling him the dog is not his and demands he do the surgery. After this we see Hawkeye  on the roof with his neighbours firing a coin at glass bottles. We see Hawkeye thinking his neighbours are jerks while discussing that the apartments in their block have been bought and all the tenants evicted. The next page shows us Hawkeye offering pizza to a dog and entering Ivan's secret underground casino.  He offers to pay for everyone's rent  but Ivan refuses while saying bro repeatedly. As he shuffles cards in his hands while the other members of Ivan's gang pull out guns. A fight scene ensues with Hawkeye using cards to defeat his opponents. Next we see Ivan and his gang enter the clinic. We then flashback to Hawkeye being thrown out a window while being chased by the dog's owner and shot at. As he gets shot in the arm the dog attacks the gunman and is thrown into the road. Hawkeye considers running away but runs back as he beats them he monologues about how dare they throw a dog into a road. With the dog in the road he throws a coin to break the window to stop one of the cars hitting him. Back in the clinic he beats up Ivan and the gang while the other people watch in horror. Hawkeye explains that he is an avenger. As he sends Ivan to a cab he forces him to take the money and not sell the apartment. Then the doctor comes out and explains the dog will make it after this we end with the dogs name being arrow.         
Opinion: Now personally I enjoyed this first issue as it sets up the tone of this series we see from this it will be quite a gritty and dark comic series. We see a big contrast between the way he acts with his neighbours and the way he acts with the gang. We see from the way he acts around his neighbours his is a kind and forgiving person as he is willing to spend his own money to pay for their rents. While he is utterly ruthless and unforgiving towards Ivan and coerces him into taking his money. Now the art in this comic is great and gives kind of a cartoony feel which is quite a difference to the style of writing used. One criticism of the art is that doesn't really have that much detail on character's features. The colouring also gives this book a unique look with the colours for the start being all bright while the at the vet clinic they're dark showing how things have changed through the comic. This comic was great first issue as it shows you the tone and makes you care about Hawkeye. So I will give this comic a 4/5

Cringeworthy comics will review:


12/10 The incredible Hulk 13
19/10 Left 4 dead the sacrifice
26/10 Justice League task force 1
2/11 star trek/doctor who assimilation squared